Has they're been anything like it? Have I ever loved anything more and then turned my back on anything more? 20 years and now a movie? WTF?
My first skateboard was a Bart Simpson special. Black with just a little yellow head on the top, but with a sick mural of Bart on his own skateboard (wearing a helmet and pads). It was awesome. I rode that thing all the way until new years. Then I fell. I never skateboarded again.
The point is that I was raised by that little yellow family.
During college freshman year when I didn't know a soul, episodes of The Simpsons would play in the dining hall and every common area every night at 7:30 and we would laugh. Together. And talk about how hot Lisa was going to be. Or we would smoke weed and debate the seasons.
In the classic Simpson's Vs Seinfeld debate over whose the sitcom GOAT I always came down on the side of Groenings gang. "Because its has heart" something that Seinfeld, as a choice, left out.
And then slowly, as I got older. Sophomore, junior year it became less important.
I watched less and less. First, I didn't care if I missed an episode. Then I didn't care if I missed a season.
Maybe I was growing up.
Maybe my tolerance had gone up.
Maybe it was 9/11.
Maybe the show was sucking real hard and all they had left was post-modern, not-funny comments on itself. It seemed bloated, rich, out-of-touch. And most of all, it had lost its heart.
Sorta like America. Nowadays.
I don't want to give up on The Simpson's. Because that would be like giving up on America.
I'll go see the movie. Just because I still have hope.
My hope is that ultimately, laughter will save us all.
God bless you Homer Simpson.
Friday, August 24, 2007
I am...
...High
Man, I know that I am supposed to blog about something. But I am high.
as fuck.
Donald trump is an idiot.
Man, I know that I am supposed to blog about something. But I am high.
as fuck.
Donald trump is an idiot.
Top 5 coolest things that could happen to a dude.
I love lists!
I have been thinking about the coolest things that could ever happen to a dude while he is living. Partly in hopes that I have already achieved these things in life, and also because I love having goals; shit to conquer. I asked a few buddies and here's what we came up with.
5. A high profile, high paying job where you really don't have to do shit:
CEO comes to mind. Movie/TV star seems coush. POTUSA seems to be a good candidate recently. Basically number five is bad ass for obvious reasons. You make a ton of money (yes, the 500 thousand dollars a year that president makes counts as "a ton of money"), you would probably have a hot secretary/assistant, and you never really work.
4. NBA star.
First of all, NBA star does not qualify as a number 5, because I consider it a hard job where you have to do a lot of shit (yes more than the president) as it's physically demanding. Second of all, It would be bad ass. You get a chance to "youtube" other players (formerly known as "poster-izing") with your mad dunking ability. You get a contract worth millions of dollars. A shoe deal worth more, and any/every girl automatically becomes attracted to you...
Some of you might be wondering why I have not included other sports into this category. To those people I say: Fuck off, basketball is cool.
3. Becoming an assassin/spy.
Obvious...
Although, I will say it was a lot cooler back when the Russians were always the guys you were spying against. Now its kinda confusing...
2. A girl to say that you are great in the sack.
Let this be a note to all the girls out there. Our only requirement is that you SAY that we are good in the sack. Lies, as long as you are good at them, are always accepted. Also, I am going to throw in "you have a big dick" into this category. Seeing as it is something that girls are usually lying to us about.
1. Threesome!
I have never had one, but man I bet it's awesome.
Please add in your own ideas, disagreements, spelling corrections. This list is by no means objective. Although, it's pretty damn close.
WBF
I have been thinking about the coolest things that could ever happen to a dude while he is living. Partly in hopes that I have already achieved these things in life, and also because I love having goals; shit to conquer. I asked a few buddies and here's what we came up with.
5. A high profile, high paying job where you really don't have to do shit:
CEO comes to mind. Movie/TV star seems coush. POTUSA seems to be a good candidate recently. Basically number five is bad ass for obvious reasons. You make a ton of money (yes, the 500 thousand dollars a year that president makes counts as "a ton of money"), you would probably have a hot secretary/assistant, and you never really work.
4. NBA star.
First of all, NBA star does not qualify as a number 5, because I consider it a hard job where you have to do a lot of shit (yes more than the president) as it's physically demanding. Second of all, It would be bad ass. You get a chance to "youtube" other players (formerly known as "poster-izing") with your mad dunking ability. You get a contract worth millions of dollars. A shoe deal worth more, and any/every girl automatically becomes attracted to you...
Some of you might be wondering why I have not included other sports into this category. To those people I say: Fuck off, basketball is cool.
3. Becoming an assassin/spy.
Obvious...
Although, I will say it was a lot cooler back when the Russians were always the guys you were spying against. Now its kinda confusing...
2. A girl to say that you are great in the sack.
Let this be a note to all the girls out there. Our only requirement is that you SAY that we are good in the sack. Lies, as long as you are good at them, are always accepted. Also, I am going to throw in "you have a big dick" into this category. Seeing as it is something that girls are usually lying to us about.
1. Threesome!
I have never had one, but man I bet it's awesome.
Please add in your own ideas, disagreements, spelling corrections. This list is by no means objective. Although, it's pretty damn close.
WBF
I am sooo FUCKING HUNGRY!
but, I ain't gonna eat no raisins.
I'm American and its midnight- I am starving!
My genetic makeup as a yank requires me to eat at the stroke of twelve and every hour after. Most Americans (sadly not all) obey this rule. It's one of the contributing factors to our health physique. Or what the rest of the world calls our "fat, lazy asses".
The problem is that I am currently nowhere near a place that serves or prepares food (gas stations included)and my apartment is practically void of food. And on top of that, after a long day of work I came home, smoked weed and drank some wine instead of eating.
In short: I would eat a light bulb if it was salted.
AND STILL!!!
The one box of raisins in my house goes untouched.
Fuck you raisins! You taste like sugared baby cockroaches! I would rather starve (or eat a salted light bulb) then come near you.
It's a texture thing.
WakeBakeFlake
I'm American and its midnight- I am starving!
My genetic makeup as a yank requires me to eat at the stroke of twelve and every hour after. Most Americans (sadly not all) obey this rule. It's one of the contributing factors to our health physique. Or what the rest of the world calls our "fat, lazy asses".
The problem is that I am currently nowhere near a place that serves or prepares food (gas stations included)and my apartment is practically void of food. And on top of that, after a long day of work I came home, smoked weed and drank some wine instead of eating.
In short: I would eat a light bulb if it was salted.
AND STILL!!!
The one box of raisins in my house goes untouched.
Fuck you raisins! You taste like sugared baby cockroaches! I would rather starve (or eat a salted light bulb) then come near you.
It's a texture thing.
WakeBakeFlake
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
That Hamster is so damn cute! I wanna change it!
When are we just gonna leave things alone?
For those of you living in caves...
There is a recently popular video featuring of a cute Hamster. It's so cute in fact, I posted it on my page.
http://www.boomchicago.tv/node/634
As did alot of people. It soon became one of the most popular viral videos on the web. And you know what happens to popular viral videos...
We remake them!
Now we can see the "Star Wars" hamster re-make and the "Porno" hamster re-make, soon I am sure there will be a "300" hamster re-make and so on...
So, as you can guess, most of these remakes suck. Man, come to think of it, do they ever not suck? Hey internets! I know you guys have editing programs and photoshop and the skills to "put anything just about anywhere", but have you ever thought of doing something useful with those skills. I mean, do you think it's cool when you put a lightsabre in a Hamster's hand? Do you?
Sigh...
Ps. That being said, I put the Star Wars version of Hamster on my page. It's pretty funny.
Wake Bake Flake
Boom Chicago
For those of you living in caves...
There is a recently popular video featuring of a cute Hamster. It's so cute in fact, I posted it on my page.
http://www.boomchicago.tv/node/634
As did alot of people. It soon became one of the most popular viral videos on the web. And you know what happens to popular viral videos...
We remake them!
Now we can see the "Star Wars" hamster re-make and the "Porno" hamster re-make, soon I am sure there will be a "300" hamster re-make and so on...
So, as you can guess, most of these remakes suck. Man, come to think of it, do they ever not suck? Hey internets! I know you guys have editing programs and photoshop and the skills to "put anything just about anywhere", but have you ever thought of doing something useful with those skills. I mean, do you think it's cool when you put a lightsabre in a Hamster's hand? Do you?
Sigh...
Ps. That being said, I put the Star Wars version of Hamster on my page. It's pretty funny.
Wake Bake Flake
Boom Chicago
Black Snake Moan!
"That girl sticks to dick like stank on shit!!"
This movie taught me nothing I didn't already know. For those of you who are not informed,If you come across a beaten, half naked girl lying in the street:
1.)Promptly take a long chain and tie her to the radiator.
2.)If she acts up then throw her in a bathtub of Ice water.
3.) DON'T LET HER TRICK YOU!!! Remember, that girl GOTTA have the dick!!! So, if she comes on to you then just tell her this:
"God has put you in my path and I plan to cure you of all your wickedness"
4.) Play blues music
5.)Don't give her pants! Letting her take off her shirt is fine (them titties are nice), but don't you dare give her any pants.
6.)Teach her how to cook.
Thanx Black Snake Moan.
Wake Bake Flake
Boom Chicago
This movie taught me nothing I didn't already know. For those of you who are not informed,If you come across a beaten, half naked girl lying in the street:
1.)Promptly take a long chain and tie her to the radiator.
2.)If she acts up then throw her in a bathtub of Ice water.
3.) DON'T LET HER TRICK YOU!!! Remember, that girl GOTTA have the dick!!! So, if she comes on to you then just tell her this:
"God has put you in my path and I plan to cure you of all your wickedness"
4.) Play blues music
5.)Don't give her pants! Letting her take off her shirt is fine (them titties are nice), but don't you dare give her any pants.
6.)Teach her how to cook.
Thanx Black Snake Moan.
Wake Bake Flake
Boom Chicago
Sylvester Stallone should write all sequels.
Just try and name a Rocky movie that sucked!
I just saw Spider Man 3 and Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End. Spiderman 3 was long and emotional, "Pirates" was confusing and boring.
That got me to thinking...
Alot of sequels have sucked recently. Remember Matrix 2 and 3? What the fuck was going on with those movies? It felt like watching an episode of dragon ball Z, but with Junior college philosophy lessons instead of dialog. What about The X men trilogy? The first two were alright, but the third one was too preachy. I left that movie feeling quilty about the homophobia that I don't have. That's why I have decided that all sequels should be written by Sylvester Stallone.
It might come as a surprise to you, but Sylvester Stallone wrote all of the Rocky and Ramboo collections. None of those movies sucked.
Actually, what I should say is: all of those movies kinda sucked, but they knew they sucked. Thats the magic of Sylvester Stallone. He doesn't worry about tying up loose ends, cliff hanger endings, plot twists, thinly vailed messages. He just takes the characters you love gives them a montage and then they win. Easy.
Michael Bay should do everyone a favor and let Sly direct that rest of the Transformer movies.
Wake Bake Flake
Boom Chicago
I just saw Spider Man 3 and Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End. Spiderman 3 was long and emotional, "Pirates" was confusing and boring.
That got me to thinking...
Alot of sequels have sucked recently. Remember Matrix 2 and 3? What the fuck was going on with those movies? It felt like watching an episode of dragon ball Z, but with Junior college philosophy lessons instead of dialog. What about The X men trilogy? The first two were alright, but the third one was too preachy. I left that movie feeling quilty about the homophobia that I don't have. That's why I have decided that all sequels should be written by Sylvester Stallone.
It might come as a surprise to you, but Sylvester Stallone wrote all of the Rocky and Ramboo collections. None of those movies sucked.
Actually, what I should say is: all of those movies kinda sucked, but they knew they sucked. Thats the magic of Sylvester Stallone. He doesn't worry about tying up loose ends, cliff hanger endings, plot twists, thinly vailed messages. He just takes the characters you love gives them a montage and then they win. Easy.
Michael Bay should do everyone a favor and let Sly direct that rest of the Transformer movies.
Wake Bake Flake
Boom Chicago
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